No Reason for a Hypothesis

Hypothetically
I have no excuse for
Being in love with you.
In this hypothesis
Eyes have met
And sparked many a moments
Conversations have
Transgressed intimacies.
If this was
Indeed a hypothesis,
Then perhaps you’d feel the same
Longing, needing, wanting
Instead, it is all about
Deterring, overwhelming, without.

Post Midnight Cat Calls

Unexpectedly so
Today the moon turned black.
Neighbourhood cats howled
To mate
And you slept soundly through it.

I've spent the past half hour
Un-asleep and un-awake
The ticking of the clock
In the next room
Rhymes with your breathe
woosh tick woosh tock.

I wished for it to rain
I wished for a storm.
I wished for something to wash down
This disillusionment
That was becoming me.

And yet
As my eyelids fell and met shore
As the sounds died
And so did everything else around me.
I wished for peaceful slumber
An unexpected
Never ending one.

apocalypse

I live with a death wish
Today.
The world hasn't ended
And I realise I was looking forward for it to.
I live with blood-thirst
Today.
The stench of rusting iron
Rising in me wields daggers.
I desire apocalypse
Today.
I walk to it if it doesn't come my way.
Slit my throat, slit my wrist, bleed.
I cry murder
Today.
Even though murder
Wouldn't quench my need for justice.
I see my sisters rise
Today.
But I see innumerable
Hands ready to pull her down, shut her up.
I want justice
Today.
Slay my rapist, slay them who quieten me,
Slay my murderer, slay me for remaining alive.

CloudCity

This city
That smells
Of temple smoke
Autorickshaw exhaust
And the dampness of rain.
This city
Trains screaming afar
Through the mumbles
Of incessant raindrops
Singing a comforting lullaby.
This city
Overcast
That tell stories.
Clouds, a messenger
From yesterday
For today.
This city
Green with envy
Yet content with self
In it's cold monsoon morning
Tazes away remains of sleep
From my dreary eyes.
This city
Forces out
The love in me
Tosses it around
And envelopes me
Back in it.

Yellow

Breathe in (high)
Breathe out (low)
Under the laburnum tree
I open my eyes
To a path of yellow
Breathe in
Breathe out.

Closure

Part I
Dreamy even while I'm awake
Eyes shut tight with unrequited sleep
But yet restless & insomniac
The whirlwind in my head
Moves south.
Heart break city
Heart ache city
Lost!
Like I promised I'd be
And then it rains.

Part II
All I had to do
Is turn around
Look at your sleeping face
While I stayed awake
Nursing my aching heart
With all that love
Love from yore
Love today
And it rains
While I silently drift
Into slumber.

Part III
We pass through
Places we held hands
We said goodbyes
We touched
Because there was
Nothing more we could do
No words could express
What you and I felt.
Every place
Was marked by memories of you
Every memory of this city
Is marked by you.

Chronicles of Two ~ I

click to enlarge

Once again they set off     Jumping walls   Sitting with their feet dangling Into imaginery waters.    Wet toes, Longing hearts     Yearning for nothing less than the moon.    What's between you and me Is beyond us she said.   They both agreed. Holding hands     Reaching out to the sky    They dreamt of non-existent swings While they rode to nether lands. Like children       like lovers   Like borne out of each other Sharing bliss sharing sorrow Sharing hurt sharing sweetmeats out of nowhere    Wishing for nothing less than the moon       They rode to nether lands.

അലച്ചില്

എനെറ്റ കൂടുകാരിയ്കു
ഇരുട്ടിെന േപടിയാണ്
ഇരുട്ടിയമുറിയില്
അവള്ക്കുറക്കമില്ല
ഉറങ്ങാത്ത മുറിയില്
നാം
ൈകോകറത്തു േമയ്കോറത്തു
പലരാത്രി കവിതചോല്ലി
കടംകഥകളായി ജീവിച്ചു
---
എനെറ്റ േസ്നഹിഎതയ്കു
ഉറക്കമില്ല
െവയില്െവളിച്ചം നിറഞ്ഞ മുറിയില്
ഉച്ചയുറക്കത്തിന്േപരില്
ഞങ്ങള്
കളിച്ചും ചിരിച്ചും ചുംബിച്ചും
ദിവസങ്ങള് രാത്രികള് വറ്ഷങ്ങള് കഴിഞ്ഞു
---
ഇന്ന
ഈ ഉറക്കമില്ലാത്ത
വറ്ഷങ്ങളിെലഉറക്കം േതടി
ഞാന് അലയുന്നു

Leaving her
When she runs
In my veins
While I travel
Within her
From head to toe
Each stop
I watch
Passing me by
And today
I leave her
Unfeeling
Maybe to return
But maybe not.

When she took me in
I knew myself
And then she
Mirrored
The me I knew not
Everyday she took in
Another new me
Defined, redefined.
Sometimes
Broken
I fell in love
Knew passion
Here
For the first time.

For now
I'm numb
I'm still running
In her veins
I'm not yet out.
Yet I'm leaving
I will not return
Like the way
I have left
I will
But return
If I'm lost
To lose myself
Again.


On train out of Mumbai
5th-6th April '07
12.42 am

Gypsie??!!

In kindergarden, we did this short muscial on Ole' king Cole...remember the rhyme?
"Old King cole was a merry old soul...a merry old soul was he...
He called for his pipe and he called for his drum
and called for his fiddlers three...yaddah yaddah...
Well this was some extended version.
with more than just fiddles and fiddlers.
It had gypsies in it!!
I was one of 'em.
In bright multi-coloured clothes and a yellow shiny head gear!
Mmmm...must've loved it then...I don't remember.

In college first year.
Maggie Tulliver wanted to be a gypsie.
She ran away from home to be one.
I wanted to be Maggie Tulliver.
Only later I realised she died a stupid death.
But the gypsie connection stayed!

For the past 6months,
September onwards!
I haven't been in one place long enough
to even unpack my bag properly.
Well 3 months in one city
Is a long time to unpack
but I didn't.
I'm on the run.
"I want to go wandering, wandering, wandering.
"I want to go wandering with a knapsack on my back...
Valerieeee....Valeraaaaaa...valerieeeeeeeeee...valera a a a a a ..."

It's time now to go home...
I'm coming back!
But i have no home!
My roots have given up on me...
Disowned me.
A friend said water lilies have floating roots.
I reconciled with that...
I float...
Yet I need to hit shore.
yet I need to float again.
Lets see how long this shore sustains me!
Wandering...Valerieeeeeee